


The Old Lars

by just_the_worst



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Depression, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 13:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8250038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_the_worst/pseuds/just_the_worst
Summary: Lars reflects on his life, post "The New Lars".





	

Lars gazed at himself in the mirror, having just finished his morning routine.

_Ha, you’re such a piece of shit that the only time people like you is when you’re not even you._

Lars had always known that he wasn’t what other people wanted him to be.

He wasn’t smart, like his teachers had always pushed him to be, compassionate like his friends might have hoped, or happy, as his parents had always dreamed.

Despite this, having Steven _prove_ that nobody _actually_ liked him was not what he had been hoping to add to his shitpile of a week.

On the surface, his week hadn’t even been particularly bad, it was just the same. The same as it always was.

Days at the Big Donut wasting away his youth at a job that wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Evenings where he fleetingly encountered his parents, who made sad eyes at him as he locked himself away in his room.

His parents seemed to think that if he could just get his act together and graduate high school all his problems would fix themselves. He’d pass one of life’s “great milestones” and could move on from his moody adolescence to the crushing desperation of early adulthood.

But what even was the point of school? He wasn’t learning anything that was of any use to him and he wasn’t good enough even when he did try. At least when he wasn’t trying he didn’t have to accept his inability to measure up.

At least at work he was making solid cash, and it was preparing him for the reality of his adulthood: meaningless menial labour.

_The only person who actually likes you is Sadie._

What the actual fuck was he supposed to do?

Sadie literally tried to trap him on an island so she could have her way with him. Even if she hadn’t necessarily meant it as a sexual gesture, it was still intensely disturbing that she had created that situation. If that was something she did when they were friends, what would happen if they actually did become romantically involved?

But was he willing to accept total isolation? Was it better to be with someone who liked you as you were, but wasn’t good for you or to spend your whole life on your own?

What would it take for other people to actually care about him?

_They want you to be like Steven_.

Well whoopdy fuckin’ do.

The Cool Kids didn’t actually like him, no matter how hard he tried to shape himself into something more palatable. Nobody likes the snarky and depressed loser with a dead-end job and the personality of a dead lobster. And yet, friendly and upbeat were two things he just couldn’t manage. It was a goddamn struggle to get up in the morning, what did they want from him?

_Why do I even bother?_

Nothing was going to change or get better. He wouldn’t magically land a dream job or become interesting enough for other people. Besides, even if he did get a better job or make some better friends would that even make him happy?

Lars suspected that he’d still be miserable.

He sighed, splashed some water on his face, and left his house for work.

Other people had liked “the new Lars” better than him. Guess that’s something they had in common.

**Author's Note:**

> I mostly just had this idea because I thought of how shitty it would be as a person with depression/social anxiety to have actual proof that people actually would like you better if you weren't even you.
> 
> I maybe could have executed this better, but whateves. 
> 
> Hope you're having an excellent day :D


End file.
